she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
