I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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