lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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