Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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