Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
