Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
