NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
