The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
