I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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