wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
