can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
