Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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