he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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