There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
