Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
