Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
