my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
