She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When are your genitals available?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
