Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
