I wanna bring you to show and tell
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
