Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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