People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
