This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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