so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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