Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
