Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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