Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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