worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
