Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
