i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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