i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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