i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There r osticjed everywhere
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
