apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
