The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
