um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My pussy is not your playground.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
