i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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