gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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