why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
