They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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