I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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