Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
