So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
