pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
