the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
