Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
