i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
