I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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