Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
