Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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