i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
